It’s April. Big whoop….most of my time now I am looking for jobs or going on Tumblr and reading fanfiction….hey if they pay me to do that i will take it ＼(*T▽T*)／
So whats new and crackalackin?
January was mostly uneventful for me. I was regretting eating all the holiday food from last year but not regretting not drinking like I usually did on new year. I was spared a hangover of the lions.I did however suffer from severe migraines in December so I was like… well hold on let’s google this shit…normal migraines shouldn’t hurt as much? So I did and I discovered I have a thing called cluster headaches…like…are you kidding me?…..like…wtf?….seriously life?!!!….so from now on I have to watch what I eat carefully cuz some food (even healthy ones) are bad for me and i have to take some pills. And the list of what I can’t eat is huge. 
Like seriously life is grabbing me by the balls and twisting way to hard. So of course what did I do get cranky and even more depressed. You seriously start questioning on what did you do in your life to deserve this…can’t even get a fucking break. The big news is that in February my grandma died. She wasn’t well for quite some time, but we all knew that it was all caused by her drinking and not actually wanting to see a doctor. So we were expecting it…perhaps not as soon but yeah…we knew. At the funeral I was all over the place with nerves. My older brother was coming to the funeral from jail and I didn’t know if he will act “appropriately” around my mom. But he did he shook her hand said the oh so famous >> I am sorry for your loss << . It’s something, considering he threatened to kill her not so long ago. So that went swell and well. And then came the we need to clean her apartment so that things don’t start rotting. So i stepped up and cleaned all that was going to go, from the fridges to the freezer and checked all the nooks and crannies just incase. But god damn she was a food hoarder….you could feed a family of 10 with that food for 3 months minimum. I did find allot of alcohol and it did make me sad, but in my mind it was better that I do it then my mom. After all she was her daughter. And a loss of a mother pains you even if she and her weren’t eye to eye most of the time. March was spend between me being all enthusiastic of getting a job and writing my CV to being in pajamas all day Tumblring my life away
and reading fanfiction.
I did find my favorite book, when I had a sudden rush of need to clean the house, The Count of Monte Cristo. I still can’t explain it to myself why I like it so much it’s not a book for kids yet I did read it when I was 8 or 9….i was a weird ass kid. Good book do anyway XD .
And I also spent allot of time scrap booking, researching random shit I am interested in and trying to train myself not to over think like I always do until I have a panic attack…..i failed….but more like failed in I fell asleep instead of relaxing..so…half failed?Also I realized I watch to much tv shows. *shrugs*
April so far so lazy. I am trying to make myself work out a bit just so that I regain my stamina. But slowly I have time.
Also I keep thinking c’mon do some art…but for some reason I just can’t….not the time i guess…..but I do want to.
I did calm down in my anxiety department but my depression is the same…My cluster headaches are under control and fuck I am so happy..but it’s not all that settled yet i still have to go to the neurologist to sort it out cuz the side affect of this is that I am severely anemic so basically all I get from the day is wake up tired, try to do something… forces herself even if she doesn’t want to…drinks to much coffee for her own good and gets on a roller coaster of depression.
Sounds fun doesn’t it. And all I wanna do now is roll on my bed and sleep because I am so god damn tired but I have stuff to do and I fell like imma faint at any moment….So i will try to distract myself with chores,fanfiction,tv shows and hopefully next month wen I have my appointment at the neurologist so i can sort this out and have more energy and finally do something I can benefit from it. So fingers crossed. 
MancaMonster 